It hit me all at once the other day that Brady will very soon no longer be the baby of the family. I was sitting in the middle of his bedroom, wrapping his Big Brother present, when I was overcome by a sudden, intense emotion. I took in the gray, jungle-themed nursery, remembering how I had decorated it with such excitement and anticipation.
And now here we are… My baby boy is almost 2 1/2 years old, and his whole world is about to change. He’s about to have a baby sister, and – as a result – he’s suddenly going to be asked to share his parents. To share his Mama…
The tears and sobs couldn’t be held back. I just sat there and cried hysterically.
This little boy is my entire world. I love him with a fierceness that I can’t explain, and his happiness means more to me than anything else. Honestly, even now, I can’t imagine loving another child as much as I love him. I know that I will! But I just can’t comprehend it (just as I couldn’t have understood a mother’s love until I became a mom).
And although I know that having a sibling will be the most precious gift we could give him, I also know that this transition could very well be a difficult one for him. He’s not going to be the baby of the family anymore… Mama is going to be pulled in other directions now and won’t always have time to play, cuddle, wrestle, or run.
Honestly, I’ve already been pulled away just a bit. Okay, a lot. I have so many more pregnancy aches and pains this time around. I can’t go out and run like we used to. I can’t roll around and wrestle on the ground. Sometimes just a simple walk up the street feels like too much.
And my belly is so big that he hasn’t been able to snuggle on my lap for weeks.
Nate does his best to cover for me and takes Brady to the playground or on walks when he can. I’m grateful for the help. But I also ache at having to miss those precious moments. And I wonder if Brady is already missing time with his Mama… when things are only about to get worse.
It’s a strange mix of emotions rushing through me these days. Guilt. Excitement. Sadness as I mourn Brady’s loss of ‘only child’ status. Pure joy at realizing our little family will soon be complete and that Brady will have a sibling to share growing up with. Unbelievable anticipation at the thought of being so close to meeting our beautiful, baby girl.
I know that having a sister to share holidays, vacations, birthdays, and just the every day simple joys with is going to be incredibly special for him. I know that, because I grew up with that. And that’s an incredible experience that I want him to have. And so I try to focus on the fact that he will be receiving a very special gift.
When I was only weeks away from delivering Brady, I worried about how having a baby would impact my marriage. And guess what, we’re okay! Sure, things were more challenging at first, but I’m proud of how we rose to the occasion and kept our relationship first. Our marriage thrived as we became more accustomed to our new normal.
So I know that everything will be okay this time around too… But for now, I’m definitely holding my little guy a bit closer and trying to make sure he feels surrounded by love!
Big changes are coming for everyone. But if we hold each other close and stand together, the changes will be nothing but good! Love never fails.