Life after the assault on my husband (read here if you’re new and you aren’t familiar with the story) has been unfamiliar territory but it has – for the most part – been good. We’re together! We have a baby boy who just turned 11 months old. And although Nate’s leg is still numb and sometimes painful, the scars on his neck are constant reminders that his injuries could have been so much more severe.
Sometimes I’m glad that I can’t forget what happened, because so much good came out of such a horrible time. Fellow Correction Officers, family, and friends reminded us that we are surrounded by so much love and support. We were reminded that the God we serve is one of miracles. We were shown just how strong we can be and that our love is unshakeable.
But there are other times that make me wish we could forget… Mainly because my safe bubble was shattered the day my husband was stabbed. But also because there’s just so much stuff legal stuff to deal with now. Confusing, complicated, and stressful stuff.
Nate has been on disability over the past three years while the State figures out ‘what to do with him’. For awhile, we were hoping that maybe Nate would be offered a desk job with pay (and a retirement plan) comparable to what he was making before. But we’ve been told that won’t happen, so retirement – with the option of part-time work – seems to be in his future. Unfortunately, there are so many reasons as to why this could lead to financial issues for us in the future, as CO’s and their families really aren’t taken care of in this state.
After all God brought us through, I thought I was over worrying about stuff, but I found it hard tonight to give my worries over to God. It had been a good day, but a letter in the mail threw both me and Nate into a small state of panic. We called my dad on the phone to discuss a decision we had to make… A decision we would be locked into forever but that could hurt us financially now or later. In our 30’s, it’s intense to be discussing future death and financial income that we will need to be locked into like this.
Anyway, this post has a silver lining, I promise. 🙂
Tonight, I was standing in line at the Dunkin Donuts in Cumberland Farms, balancing an egg carton, keys, and phone as I waited for someone to come take my order. It was taking awhile, but I couldn’t have cared less. There was a battle going on in my head, one side praying and knowing that God provides…and the other side freaking out about all this retirement stuff and how scary it can be.
There were two policemen also waiting for their order and one commented to me, teasing me about how no one was coming over.
“I probably scared them away,” I said with a laugh. “I’m a new mom, and it’s been one of those days.”
We all laughed, and we chatted a minute about their kids and my little guy. Then when the employee came to take my order and I reached for payment, the policeman said, “No, this is on us today.”
I know that to them, it was a $2 coffee and a small way to help out a frazzled mom after a busy day. But to me, it was like God said, “See, stop worrying! I’ve got you.” As crazy as it may seem that a gesture like that could say this, it really did. It was just a reminder that there are good people, and miracles happening, and that God is always with us, through the good and the bad.
It doesn’t mean that life is easy or that finances will always fall into place. BUT we are not facing obstacles alone. Time and time again, God has walked with me and Nate and brought us through.
I’m sure I’ll have more freak-out moments in the future, when I let myself succumb to the ‘what if’ thoughts. When I have so much nervous energy that I just have to post a vent post on Facebook or write a long blog post. 😉 BUT a simple cup of coffee tonight reminded me that we aren’t walking alone. And everything WILL be okay! 🙂