Good Mommy

I felt like a bad mom today…  And a bad wife…  And a bad friend…

I even burnt the split pea soup, so you might as well add ‘bad cook’ to the list.

I should have known it was going to be one of those days the minute I woke up.  I awakened to the desperate cries of a very unhappy little boy.  He had woken up to the very uncomfortable feeling of poop squishing out of his diaper and up his back.

There should be some kind of rule in the universe against this.  Like the Mom’s Law of Thermodynamics:  blow-outs shall not befall a baby before the warmth of 6am.

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But instead, my day followed something a little closer to Murphy’s Law.  (Which brings a random thought to my head…  Who was Murphy and why did the poor guy get such a horrible law named after him?  I mean, ‘If something can go wrong, it will go wrong’?  Poor Murphy.  I doubt he deserved that kind of legacy).

Anyway, while grocery shopping, I was the one who grabbed an egg carton… that held a broken egg…that messed up the register.  And I’d grabbed over-ripe bananas that broke off the stem the minute the cashier grabbed for the fruit.  And I’d accidentally mixed up organic veggies (for Brady) with the cheaper veggies (for me and Nate), which caused confusion and a bit of chaos.  (Maybe a bit too much confusion and chaos if you ask me…).

“You’re on a roll today, aren’t you?” the cashier asked rather sarcastically.

As if to say, “Oh, we’re not finished yet,” Brady began to scream at the top of his lungs.  They were happy screams, in his defense.  He’d picked up on the fact that the cashier was ignoring his cute little smiles and laughs, unlike everyone else in the store; and so he obviously came to the conclusion that an ear-splitting, excited scream would bring her around.  Everyone in the store stared, I’m pretty sure we destroyed the hearing aid of the elderly gentleman behind us, two other babies in nearby aisles decided to join in, and the cashier hissed, “See what you’ve started!”

Normally I probably would have turned beat red and hastily made an exit.  But I was too busy thinking about poor Murphy and how he must have had a much worse day than mine.  So I just smiled absentmindedly and waved in sympathy at the other moms who now had screaming babies too.

Going home was even worse though…

Lately I’ve kind of felt like I’m drowning.  I’m trying to sort through summer clothes, while washing fall clothes, while keeping up with day-to-day laundry.  The house has to be cleaned for piano lessons, which I need to prep for.  Brady is eating solids (but not the solids we’re usually eating), so meal planning just got a whole lot more interesting.  And after long days of playing and cuddling, I usually fall into bed exhausted, ignoring emails that need to be replied to.  When I do reply to emails, most times I’m saying that while I’d love to hang out, I just really can’t right now.  This leads to some friends being hurt, especially when I took so long to reply in the first place.  😦

“Sending an email takes two minutes, Nicole, ” you might be thinking.  I know, I know!  But somehow, when I’m that tired, the thought of putting together a logical sentence feels painful.

And my wife status?  I feel as though I don’t have anything to give emotionally some days.  I want to be the bubbly, encouraging girl that my husband married; but I just don’t feel it some days.  I’m tired physically, but – after giving so much to Brady – I’m also tired emotionally.  So after being bubbly with the baby all day, there’s often only the tired, cranky version left come evening.

Being a mom is tough most days, but – at the same time – the good always outweighs the bad.  I always say that Brady’s smile is better than caffeine…  🙂  No matter how exhausted I am in the morning, the sight of his chubby cheeks and ear-to-ear grin puts the spring back in my step.  But some days?  Some days, the bad, the hard, and the tired just kind of pile up (like those never-ending piles of laundry) and leave a mom feeling like maybe she doesn’t have this.

Maybe she’s not the mom, wife, and friend that she should be.  That she wants to be…

But here’s the thing…  We moms are going to make mistakes.  And, although we often forget it, we are only human.  It’s completely normal to be a new mom and to feel overwhelmed sometimes.  To wonder how in the world you’re going to get everything done while still putting your precious bundle of joy first.  And sadly, your availability to ‘hang out’ or chat with friends usually suffers too, just as it’s tough to adjust to wife and mommy.

So thank goodness for the way these rough days often end…  My tough day ended with two chubby arms around my neck and a curly head lying on my shoulder.  One extra-long snuggle with him before his bedtime helped wash all the uncertainty and frustration away.

I kissed my little guy goodnight and gently lay him down in his crib.  And as I tiptoed out of his room (dodging a pile of laundry), I smiled to myself.  I am a good mom, and a good friend, and a good wife.  I don’t need a perfectly clean house or neatly folded laundry.  This joyful, healthy little boy is all the proof I need.  🙂

Tomorrow is a brand new day.  I’ll do my best to reach out to a friend. Maybe I’ll make a dent in the laundry.   I’ll make being the world’s best wife and mom my top priority, as I always do.  And in the end, I’ll try to focus on the love I have for my little family.  I can only do my best. That IS good enough!

And guess what?  Your best is good enough too!  🙂

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14 thoughts on “Good Mommy

  1. Aw dang girl. It’s tough having such high expectations of ourselves but you got this! Maybe not every day, or every moment, but as a whole when you all look back on this time together, I’m certain all three of you will know that you did you best and your best was wonderful.

    *HUGS*!!!

    • YES, I am a case of ‘Great Expectations’ gone crazy! 😉 I’m trying to realize that my best right now is going to be different than my best of yesterday. But I can still focus on doing my best every single day!! 🙂
      Thank you soooo much for the encouragement and the internet hugs! 🙂 They mean so much!!

  2. I can relate to soooo much of this! I feel like after more than a year of all this I should some how be “better” at being a friend, a wife and a mother- like 1 year I should have it ALL figured out. HA! I know this is a total lie and simply wanting me to direct all my attention on the things I CAN’T do well- from the things I have done well. Half empty or half full. Some days I can certainly see a lot of Murphy in myself!…thankfully tomorrow is always a new day though, right 🙂 God is so good to give us fresh starts- and see us through another day.

    • YES! I’m the same way… I’ve been a mom for 10 months, and I keep thinking, “Why don’t I have this all figured out yet?” But we’re soooo new at this in the grand scheme of things. I mean, in my case, I had practice at ‘not being a mom’ for 31 years! So I’m still just figuring this mommy thing out! 🙂 As you said, thank goodness for fresh starts every single day, and for a loving God by our side!!

  3. That cashier was just rude! So there’s that.

    You totally have the right attitude! You are a great mom and wife and those are THE most important things. Keep up the good work. 🙂 Everyone can relate to Murphy’s Law days, so I’m sure your friends will understand, the laundry will get done, and really, we’re far more critical of our own house than anyone else is – I bet no one else even notices if it’s messier than normal! I hope today was a much better day!

  4. Oh friend, I’m so sorry you’ve been dealing with all of this lately. I mean, I’m glad for the moments of realizing that you ARE a good mom and wife and friend, but I’m sorry that you’ve had to feel the opposite as well.

    Also, I can’t believe that cashier was so rude. I don’t understand how people can’t be sympathetic to someone’s rough day!

    • Thank you, Rachel! It’s a new feeling… realizing that I can’t be everything that I once was and not having the ability to do everything that I once did. It’s so easy to focus on those changes, instead of the positive ones. Because now, I have the ability to be a mom, and to love in a way I never have before, and to pour into a little boy’s life. There are so many beautiful things that I now can do… There are just days that the difficult stuff gets overwhelming.
      I’m thankful for the friends who encourage me through those rough patches!! 🙂

  5. This was so encouraging! Some days are just so overwhelming and it’s difficult to find the energy to be the wife and mother that my family needs me to be. There’s been many nights lately where I go to bed mentally reciting that Anne of Green Gables quote: “Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it.” It’s always important to remember that you can try again the next day and your family will still love you. 🙂

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