Figuring It Out

Sometimes, making time for each other isn’t even the hardest challenge that new parents face.  Babysitters, even if difficult to come by at times, do exist.  (For us, we’re fortunate that my mom lives only two miles away; and she makes sure that we can have a date night once a month, in addition to babysitting Brady every Wednesday for me while I work).  And even if you don’t have a babysitter, the baby does have to go to sleep at some point (even if it doesn’t always feel that way).  So with a bit of creativity and focus, it is possible to make time for each other even if there has been an addition to the family.

Sometimes, it’s the energy that’s the toughest thing to come by.

(Speaking of energy, it was a really long day of teething and irritability, so please forgive me if this post is all over the place).

Nate and I had fallen into a comfortable routine before Brady arrived.  We were accustomed to movies every weekend, bikerides after dinner, and rainy days so lazy we ordered out instead of cooking.  It was a wonderful life, but – at the same time – something was missing.  Life wasn’t complete without our baby boy.  🙂

Now that Brady is here, we have been introduced to a new normal.  And with that, we’ve struggled to find what our relationship is now.  It’s like starting over again… but not really.

But kind of, in a way…

New doesn’t have to mean bad, but it does mean different.  And as a couple, you have to get accustomed to that.

At first, we fought it, and we were a bit lost in the frustration. Babies create their own schedules… and oftentimes once you get used to that schedule, they decide to change things up again.  😉  (Our little guy is the energizer bunny in baby form.  He is moving from morning until night, isn’t content to sit down and cuddle, and is constantly exploring and getting into things that he shouldn’t).

Romance?  What’s that?!?

Throughout the day, we pour so much love and energy into Brady that it’s easy for us to forget that our love came first… and that it should always come first.

It’s soooo easy to become frustrated.  So easy to think, “Well, this is how it’s going to be until the next chapter of life begins.”

BUT that’s not fair, because your life is now.  And you should be able to enjoy your life together now too!

We’re still in the thick of it, so I can’t write out a bullet point list of things that work to fix the problem… yet.  😉  But I can say that there will be bad days, but there will also most definitely be good days.  And even through the exhaustion and the long days, you can’t let go of the love that brought you together.  Because even if you’re frustrated right now, love can – and will – bring you through.  You’ve just got to talk it out, so that you’re not facing this parenthood thing alone.  Communication is soooo incredibly important. (Trust me, I know, because I feel so much better when I do decide to share what I’m feeling with Nate).

Quality time is necessary, so that you’re making memories with just the two of you still.  It’s dangerously easy to forget that your relationship matters, because being a parent is so new… and so consuming.  I always feel as though I have to give my every waking moment and every ounce of attention to Brady; when in reality, I also need to make time for my husband.  That’s not selfish.  That’s vital.

Oh, and kissing is important too.  🙂

This morning, when Brady finally settled down for a nap, I decided to completely ignore the dirty dishes in the sink (which nearly killed the Type A personality in me), I grabbed my hubby, and I gave him a kiss on the lips.  Not a quick peck…  I’m talking, “Hey, let’s make out!”

Let’s just say that when I am ready to write out a bullet point list of advice, ‘Make Out’ will be the very first item on that list.  🙂

Nate and I are still so new at this parenting thing.  There are still so many experiences and lessons ahead to learn.  But I know that if we continue to take it one day at a time, we’ll hold onto the love that brought us together in the first place.  And honestly, even after the rough days, there’s no one I’d rather snuggle with than my hubby.  I need it!

Neither one of us is perfect, but we’re perfect for each other.  And I’m excited to be on this journey to discover how we can keep our love alive and burning bright!  🙂  Because even if it takes work some days, it sure is worth it!

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6 thoughts on “Figuring It Out

  1. I love this post, Nicole! I also love that “make out” would be the first bullet point on your list, haha!! You have actually taught me a lot of things through blogging about your marriage! I learned to leave love notes around the house from you :). Jimmy enjoys those!! I struggle a lot when thinking about having a baby and how it throws not only your world, but your relationship upside down. I am happy that you blogged about it, because I’m seeing it in a different light. I like that you said it’s not bad, it’s different. A new normal, and that you have to take each day as it comes and live in the present. Thanks again for this 🙂 you’re so encouraging to me!!

    • I’m so glad!! 🙂 I love how we as a blogging community can learn from each other, even though we’ve never met in person.
      You and Jimmy will do just fine once the time comes! 🙂 I was very worried about the affect having a baby would have on my marriage, and – as I mentioned – it is tough at times. Things do change. But if you are prepared for the ‘new normal’ and see it as a challenge to discover new ways to keep your marriage strong, then you will succeed.
      And communication is SO important! There have been days that I will look at Nate and say, “I’m mad at you right now.” LOL!! And that sounds rude or horrid, but if I left that in, I’d probably just explode later on. I’m learning to admit to him when I feel overwhelmed or alone or in need of more help. And he’s learning to do the same… We’re also both learning that when the other person says something like that, that it’s our job to care about how they feel and to be strong enough to apologize. That keeps us on the same page (and on the same side), and it makes a WORLD of difference!!
      Oh, yes, and making out! 😉 VERY, very important for new parents!!
      I’m confident that if couples take the time to communicate, make out, and pray, then they can make it through anything!! Ha, ha. (There you go, the bullet point list is taking shape)! 🙂

    • There really are so many learning curves! It’s sooooo easy to become frustrated with it. But I’m trying my best to instead see it as a challenge. Change can keep things from being boring or dull, and it just helps to keep us creative. 🙂
      And at the end of the day, even if babies might throw schedules and routine out the window, they sure are worth it. I wouldn’t trade my baby for anything in the whole world. 🙂

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