Mommy’s Night Out

I’ve been kind of struggling to find out who I am these days… because – quite frankly – after only having been a mom for 7 months, I already do feel as though I’ve lost myself a little.

Honestly, I had always said it wouldn’t happen to me. I guess maybe I was a little naΓ―ve going into motherhood, or maybe I hadn’t realized just how difficult it would be to make time for myself once my bundle of joy arrived. I thought I’d make the time. I really did.

Because it was important to me!

But I can’t remember the last time that I had a couple of hours to myself. Well, except for grocery shopping. And quite frankly, I’m so desperate for me-time that grocery shopping really does almost cut it. Hey, I’m alone with my thoughts and I’m surrounded by food… It’s kind of like a mom’s night out, while getting errands done.

The funny thing is that I didn’t realize, until recently, that my lack of personal time was causing issues. Mainly it’s because I do love being a mom. No matter how exhausted I am, my baby Brady makes it all worth it. I love that I’m his whole world and that he needs me for everything. I love it so much that sometimes I forget I need time to recharge.

Maybe it even feels selfish at first… I feel that, as a wife and a mother, I should be giving my all. And ultimately, I want to.

I realized, however, just how badly I needed a recharge, when my hubby Nate injured his back last week. Nate has an annular tear in his back, and he had a flare-up that caused such pain he couldn’t walk. Suddenly, I wasn’t going to have to just take care of the baby, but I also was going to have to take care of a bed-ridden husband.

I tried to be sweet and nurturing, but this rush of emotions burst up through me. I’d already felt stretched too thin as it is. I knew it wasn’t fair, but I felt frustrated with Nate because he got to sit down all day (and even nap) while I cared for a very energetic seven month old. (I didn’t envy his pain, but – man – what I wouldn’t give for a nap). πŸ˜‰ I felt as though I was drowning, and I needed a gulp of fresh air. I was depleted, and I needed a recharge.

I was tired. Exhausted. Overwhelmed.

I mourned my old self a little. I don’t have time to really take care of myself the way I used to (to pick out cute outfits, to do my hair, or to spend more than a couple of minutes on makeup). I haven’t yet been able to figure in a workout schedule. I’ve had to put on weight in order to keep up my breastmilk supply, and so none of my clothes fit right (while none fit at all). I missed the annual Mom and Daughter shopping trip that I usually go on with my mom and sister, because Brady wouldn’t have been able to last such a busy day. (So my mom and sister went without me for the first time… ever). For the first time in about 18 years, I’m not playing an instrument for church (as I love to do),Β and I’m instead working in nursery.Β  I’ve love to read a book, to take a hot bath, to sit down to lunch with a friend, to go for a quiet walk, or to window shop at the mall.

And, oh, how I would love to have time to blog.

Such is the journey of a new mom. It hits you at one point that life has changed and that – even though you love your baby so much – it’s still a little hard. Okay, fine, some days it’s really hard. It’s human nature to need a little bit of time for yourself.

And I’m finding, it’s not even wrong. It’s not wrong to make time for yourself, so that you still feel like you. You don’t have to let go of yourself completely!

One of my best friends called me the other day, and I admitted to her where I was in this struggle. I ended with, “I know this sounds selfish… But sometimes, I wish I had time to even just do my nails.”

“But it’s not selfish,” she assured me.

Balance isn’t easy when you’re a mom, because – as I said before – we want to be everything for our family. But I was reminded recently that even supermoms need time to recharge a bit. We need time to be refreshed, so that we can be there for our families emotionally.

It’s Biblical even. God created a day of rest, because He knew that humans need time to remove themselves from the fast pace of every day and to rest ourselves physically and mentally.Β Β  But as a mom, can you remember the last time you took a day of rest? How about a few hours?

And, no, using the bathroom alone does not count!

I want to be nurturing and loving to my baby and husband. I want to be the best wife that I could possibly be. But I’m learning that to do so, I also need to make some time for myself. Or maybe I already knew that… I’m just realizing that the time will never come, so I need to make the time.

Tomorrow starts a brand new week, and I plan to be much more conscious about mommy time. ME time!Β  πŸ™‚Β  I am going to do my best to make sure it happens once in awhile. I know it won’t be easy… But this is a challenge that I am going to try my best at!! πŸ™‚

Do any of you moms out there have tips as to how to make mommy time happen?

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10 thoughts on “Mommy’s Night Out”

  1. Great, honest blog! It’s true, we moms are martyrs in a sense. We lay everything down for our children, our husbands, our families…then we cry out (or scream out in my case)..UGH!! The key for me, is to admit it before I get to that point. One thing that helps…is scheduling a time where I can get away. Since my husband works full time, I need to schedule this at night or on the weekends when he is home to take over (NOT babysit). Dads may do things different than us moms, but they can handle it! I schedule a night out going shopping or having dinner with friends. If I can’t get out of the house, or I don’t have cash to spend…a special treat for me is reading UNINTERRUPTED outside on our patio. This can be hard, so get those headphones on and plug them in! I know that for me, if I don’t get some alone time, I become irritable and some in my family may even call it crabby! A hard part is not feeling guilty about taking time away. My kids love me to tuck them in at night and when I won’t be home…they don’t like it. Reassure them that Dad can give great hugs too and then leave the guilt at the door. I hope you can find time for you, to refresh your mommy heart and head!! Love!!

    1. Tracy, your comments always mean so much to me!!
      I’m working on communicating to Nate how I’m feeling, before I get to the breakdown point… There is this self-inflicted desire within me to be tough and to balance it all, but I just can’t. I definitely am learning that I need that time of refreshment.
      We moms were built tough, but we are still human. πŸ™‚
      I like what you said about dads being able to handle it, even if they do things differently. THAT is a blog post in itself, as it is so very true! πŸ™‚ I’m so often ready to say, “Wait, don’t do it that way” as though my way is the only way. I think that having me-time will also be good in helping both of us realize that we have our different ways of doing things… but in the end, Brady is being loved and taken care of. πŸ™‚

  2. Mommy time is so hard, particularly when you are nursing and truly can’t be away from the baby for very long! My husband works noon-10pm most days, so I will often get my “mommy time” in during the morning. A friend and I went to the mall last week to try on makeup so I could find some new foundation. It was fun and very rejuvenating. I felt so pampered! I also like going on a walk with no kids, or even Target (I think Target is relaxing!). On days where I don’t have the energy to go somewhere but need a break, I hide in our bedroom while my husband keeps the kids. I read a book, watch a show, or call a friend.

    1. Mommy time IS hard, but it sounds like you’re doing your best to incorporate it into your weeks. And that is awesome!! I’m definitely starting as well, and my time will probably look a lot like yours. πŸ™‚ I LOVE browsing Target, and I’m sure I will find myself there on more than one of my nights out.

  3. Please accept this MASSIVE SQUEEZY HUG! And then go accept some help πŸ™‚

    You’re doing a great job! You’re still you! You’re still in there! You’re just changing a little (in a good way). You got this! πŸ™‚

  4. Oh girl, I’m so sorry you’ve had so much on your plate and spent so many days being so overwhelmed. I’m so glad that you had a little wake up call, though. Making time for yourself is so important! It’s easy to lose track of that when so many other (good & important!) things take up your time. I’ll remind you today and someday when I have little kids running around and I’m forgetting to take time for myself, you can remind me too. πŸ˜‰

  5. Don’t feel bad for mommy time! Your ability to be the best you possible requires “you time.” My hubby and I have tried to work out a routine where he takes certain times. For instance, I’m with baby all day, so he takes her first thing in the am before we both go to work. It’s a half hour, but it’s SO helpful. And over the weekends, I try to plan ahead so I can get away for a few hours here or there. It’s seriously so important. Don’t lose who you “were”… Brady deserves to know just how cool of a mommy he has!

    1. Thank you so much for your encouragement!! I’m really going to do my best to incorporate the ‘me time’ into this week! Like you said, a few hours here or there is really so rejuvenating!

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