I have a problem! And it ends now! Or, well, at least my journey to end it begins now. 😉 I’m not sure if this is something that I can quit cold turkey. But I’m sure going to try, that’s for sure!
I overbook myself.
I overcommit. I have too many goals, and projects, and tasks.
And once upon a time, I could balance it all (barely, but – you know – it’s amazing how much you can squeeze into a day, as long as you keep yourself caffeinated enough). So I baked cookies for the neighbor who just moved in. And I cooked casseroles for the family going through a tough time. I made sure my house was spotless, I volunteered for outreaches in the community, I exercised, I blogged, I read, and I hung out with friends.
If someone came to visit, I had to serve a freshly baked banana bread with their coffee. If I was making someone a casserole, I needed to prepare a dessert – from scratch – to go with it. Dinner each night had to be healthy and homemade. Grandparents had to be visited every week, a lonely acquaintance needed regular phonecalls, and church needed volunteers for events.
I was superwoman…
And then I had a baby.
And then my perfectly organized life was shaken a few times before being tipped upside down. In a good way! But in a way that doesn’t leave time for all those things, unless I’m willing to sacrifice time spent with my little guy. And I’m not willing to do that.
Just last week, I found myself asking my hubby Nate to watch the baby for me. Just one more time. Just for one more hour. This would be quick.
Then something happened… When I handed Brady over, he began to cry. Now he loves his daddy, and Nate can make him smile like no one else can. But at only four months old, Brady was reaching a chubby fist in my direction as if to say, “I miss you mommy.”
I died a little inside, when I realized just how busy I had been… and just how little quality time I had spent with my boy.
I realized that I had been SO busy that week trying to be there for others that I hadn’t been there for Brady. (At least not in the way I should have been there for him). I thought that I could do it all, but I couldn’t. I can’t. I’m only human, and I have to make choices sometimes.
My friend Liz, knowing how much I struggle with this, sent me this amazing Pin the other night. It’s SO me. It needs to be hung up in my house, where I see it every morning. Because I let myself feel guilty whenever I say ‘no’. I feel as though I need to always help out when there’s a need, as though everything rests on my shoulders. I feel as though everything needs to be ‘perfect’ all the time.
And guess what, the world doesn’t rest on my shoulders. Quite frankly, I’m not that important. The world will keep on spinning if I can’t bake a sweet bread for every visitor or if I’m unable to volunteer for every event. The sun will come out if I have to serve something frozen for dinner! Sure, I was doing really great things sometimes, but – at the end of the day – at what expense? I had convinced myself that I should feel guilty and ashamed if I couldn’t keep up, when it really should be about finding that balance.
Finding a balance that allows me to still give of my time but that won’t stretch me so thin that I find myself too busy to play with my precious tater tot. 🙂 I can’t juggle what I once did, because I’m a mommy now. So things have changed… And that’s okay.
Needless to say, I know full well that things need to change. So I promised Nate that things would change this month… He and the baby will be my first priority. And then I’ll even make a little time for me, making sure that I can blog sometimes (because it’s crazy important to me) and hang out with friends who refresh me. And then I’ll budget out time to also give back and to help others in need.
But it’s true… As a mom – and as a human – I can’t do everything. And there’s no need to feel guilty about that! 🙂
Does anyone else struggle with this?
I HAVE done much better this week, and Brady is a happy boy because of it! 🙂