What Doesn’t Kill You…

Sooooo, before I get to the blog post, I have to say thank you for sticking around even though I don’t blog all that regularly these days.  I’m trying to get myself into something of a rhythm, but it hasn’t happened yet.  😉  The little guy just started teething, and he’s never really been one to nap well.  So this mommy has VERY little free time…  But it’s all for a season; and hopefully by this summer, I’ll be writing up a storm and documenting our family adventures!  (AND I hope to document some of my own adventures too…  I’m realizing that mommy needs some fun time of her own once in awhile).  🙂  But for now, yeah, thanks for sticking with me and my little blog!  You all rock!!

If you were to ask me what the toughest part of being a mom so far has been, I’d have to say ‘breastfeeding’.  Oh, man, it’s been a challenge.  Like for something that’s supposed to be so natural, why is it so hard?  Sometimes I wonder, why does my body hate me so?  Why can’t my breasts work like faucets that I can just turn on and off, when needed?  (I mean, wouldn’t that be convenient? I could fill up a pail in the morning and then not worry about it for the following 24 hours).

Instead, I am the milk maid on tap.  I feed on demand, which is a daunting task when your chunky monkey decides that he is going to demand milk every two hours…. 24/7.  (Yes, I have been waking up every two hours for the past 4 months, and I’ve taken about 5 naps in total.  So thank God for under-eye creams that hide the circles, or else I’d probably scare small children).  Every once in awhile, Brady will go a 3-hour stretch without eating. I don’t know what to do with myself on those days, I’m just so excited.

Seriously, I can’t keep up with the amount of liquids and food that I need to ingest during the course of a day.  That’s what happens when you’re feeding a four-month-old who’s nearing 22 pounds.  And it wouldn’t be so bad if I could eat all of my favorite foods, but my baby boy has a sensitive tummy.  So as of Christmas Eve 2014, I’ve had to give up eggs (except for in extreme moderation), nuts, fish, all gassy veggies, pineapple, citrus, dairy, and soy.

 That’s tough for anyone, but particularly difficult when you’re a foodie.

Oh, and then there was the incident with the plumber…  It’s too soon to blog about, but let’s just say that I now have an answer to the ‘what was the most embarrassing moment of your life’ question, should anyone ask.

Awhile back, not so long ago, I had told my husband that I want a T-shirt that reads, “Breastfeeding sucks… literally.”  He said that was a bad idea for several reasons.  One, ‘sucks’ is not really a nice word, especially now that I’m trying to set a good example for Brady.  (Why is my husband so much more mature than me sometimes??).  Secondly, there’s a very large movement to support breastfeeding moms (a movement that I fully support).  So – you know – that kind of apparel would go against it, and – he’s right – I don’t want to go against such an important cause.
So needless to say, I’ve changed my mind about wanting that T-shirt.  Mostly…

It’s just been hard.  Frustrating.  Confusing.  And exhausting, painful, and overwhelming.

But then there are moments…
Moments when the doctor praises my efforts, because my baby boy is gaining weight so well.  Moments when I read an article about the health benefits of nursing.  Moments when Brady looks up into my eyes while I’m feeding him, and he smiles.  When I snuggle him close to feed him, and he falls asleep.   When he’s scared or in pain and it takes nothing more than that nourishing closeness to help calm him.
When I realize that I – like every other mother out there, breastfeeding or not – am doing whatever I can to raise a healthy, strong child…
Those moments…  Those moments open my eyes for a moment into why so many women are passionate about it.  Why they call it beautiful.  Because it is beautiful really.  An exhausting, painful, overwhelming type of beautiful that is hard… but so unbelievably worth it.  🙂

17 thoughts on “What Doesn’t Kill You…

  1. Good job Lady! I did the every 2 hours round the clock too- but only for 6 weeks- mentally/physically I just couldn’t continue. Props for sticking with it- and with diet restrictions!!! You’re doing an amazing thing! You have one heck of a cutie on your hands : )

    1. Thank you so much!!
      And honestly, I only lasted as long as I did, because it’s been cold winter. So I’m stuck home anyway. 😉 Hopefully now that the nice weather is arriving, I can start stretching out Brady’s meal times just a bit.

  2. Holy smokes, momma! That’s impressive! I don’t know that I’d survive all that nursing! And on the sucky allergen-free diet… You are pretty amazing. Your little bub is lucky to have you!

  3. Who is that big guy, holding his head up and looking like a little grown up infant??

    I’m sorry that nursing has been such a challenge. You’re an awesome mom!

    Also, you have me on the edge of my seat, waiting for the plumber story. When you’re ready. 🙂

    1. I know, right?? He’s getting SO big SO fast, I just can’t take it! 🙂
      The plumber story is hilarious AND humiliating! It is going to be quite the blog post… 😉

  4. You are so singing my song these days. 🙂 Alsea is teething as well, short short naps and up every 2-3 hours at night. I’m dairy free for me, but just had to go gluten free for Alsea. waaa. The thing I always tell myself is “2 weeks, all phases last about 2 weeks”. That goes for the good as well as the bad, unfortunately.

    1. Teething is SUCH a tough thing, I had no idea! It’s definitely tough on baby and on the mama!!
      One day at a time, for sure! You’re doing AWESOME!

  5. Okay, I need to hear the plumber story one day!! I’m sure it’s hilarious… or will be in due time ;).

    I have heard a lot about breastfeeding and how hard it is. I am always surprised to hear it’s hard because–like you said–it’s natural. What matters most is that you’re doing your best! And like you mentioned, it’s just one season of life. You WILL get more sleep and someone day Brady will drink from a bottle… then a cup! It’s always hard to see past the here and now, though. But hang in there because you are doing AMAZING and Brady? He’s so, so cute!

    1. The plumber story is hilarious AND humiliating… and it’s going to be quite the blog post. 😉
      And you’re right, it’s all about taking it one day at a time and is just for a season. 🙂 It’s so hard for me to imagine Brady walking and drinking from cups… It makes me happy, because then I won’t be breastfeeding and that journey will be over. But then it makes me sad too, because I think that I’m going to also miss it. 🙂 I really need to try to enjoy every day, even the tough ones, because they’ll be over too quickly!

  6. Oh you said it woman! I have a 21 day old permanently attached to me I think. I’m considering getting a kangaroo pouch attached so I can at least have my hands free while she nurses. Lol!
    But it is rewarding indeed to see those scales go up at every doc visit. So hang in There!

  7. Oh my goodness, he is SO cute! I’m so glad that you are finding the small joys in this time even though it can be so difficult. Watching so many of my friends struggle with breastfeeding has been such an eye opening experience for me. Growing up, I just always assumed that it was such a simple thing because our bodies were created to do it. Anyway, I hope it gets even easier with time!

    Also, I am SO ready to hear about this plumbing incident!

    1. It’ crazy just how difficult breastfeeding can be! (Although every woman’s journey with it seems to be different). I can say that it is getting much easier though, so I guess the best breastfeeding advice out there is just to take it one day at a time! 🙂
      The plumber incident is hilarious and humiliating all at the same time. Oh, what a blog post that will be! Ha!!

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