Just a Mom

The first week of motherhood wasn’t all that difficult…  Actually, it was shockingly easy.  Brady slept most of the time, occasionally waking up to make adorable faces at us or to stare mesmerized at the Christmas tree.  (Gosh, he loves Christmas lights)!  Then I’d feed him, he’d sleepily blink his eyes a few times, and he’d fall asleep for a couple of hours.  Life was good… and practically perfect.

Then week 2 hit…

The acid reflux and gas issues seemed to hit him the moment day 14 arrived but progressively got worse throughout the week. My ever-happy baby was soon screaming in pain, his little face reddened and scrunched up in discomfort.  His cries could not be comforted, no matter how gently I rocked him.  The cramping in his belly and burning in his throat were just too much.

I cried. It broke my heart that my little baby was in so much pain, and I couldn’t make him feel better. Even though I knew it wasn’t the case, it made me feel like a failure as a mom.  I should be able to soothe him with my healing touch and to help him feel all better.

No matter how long I burped him, I couldn’t seem to get him to release the gas bubbles in his belly. And there was no instant-relief medicine in my bathroom cabinet that would help him feel better. Even a trip to the doctors didn’t give us any answers, other than the suggestion to give him gripe water and to begin a food journal (in case something that I was eating might be bothering him when I breastfeed).

There was no quick fix. Nothing to release the sharp pains that made him cry.  Finding a reason for his unhappiness (and therefore finding him relief) was all about the process of elimination.  Oh, how I wish he could talk and tell me what hurts and what I could do to make him feel better!

That’s the thing about being a mom… You want nothing more than to be able to kiss away your child’s pain. To chase away the bullies that make him cry. To scare away the nightmares and to replace them with happy dreams.

What you wouldn’t do to change places and to feel that pain instead, because nothing hurts more than to see your little one suffer.

But at the end of the day, you are ‘just’ a mom. And while – to your child – you might be superwomen and a safe place of comfort, you are also human. And as much as you long to, you can’t shield your child from the hurt and pain that he will experience along with all the joy and happiness throughout his life.  You can only raise him to be prepared for it…

You can, however, be a constant source of love in an uncertain world. You can always be there, when he needs you. Always a hand to hold, always a warm hug on a cold day, always a source of encouragement when others might not believe.

Always there.

Even now, when I can’t take away my Brady’s pain, I will let him know that his mama is here when he cries. Always.  Because sometimes, ‘just a mom’ is what a little baby needs.

“So sleep easy, my little one.  Mama will be here when you wake.  And hopefully, tomorrow will be an easier day, and you will feel better.  I love you… always.”

 

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11 thoughts on “Just a Mom

  1. Oh honey, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how much that must break your heart when he is so inconsolable. 😦

    I hope the food diary helps out. A couple of my friends did that and found out that their babies were sensitive to the dairy in their mommies’ diets. Hopefully it will help pinpoint what is bothering Brady! And until then, I’ll be praying for peace for you. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to know your sweet baby is in so much pain. *hugs*

    • It really is SO difficult!! Thankfully he’s getting a tiny bit better, so I hope he’s headed in the right direction! It really des break my heart to see him in pain…
      Thank you SO much for the prayers!!!

  2. I’m so sorry about Brady’s stomach issues! He’s lucky he has such a good mom to take care of him. Please post if you find something that works, I’d love to hear about your experiences!

    • I definitely will post if I come across any helpful tips! (I think I might start a weekend ‘segment’ called the Mommy Diaries, every once in awhile. I’ve found some products and tips that I’d love to share… And I definitely want to let everyone know about them)! 🙂

  3. Wait, you DON’T have the magic touch?! I’m sure 99% of the time you do, just not in this instance. You’ll find a solution and things will get better! Hugs to you guys.

    • Oh, I SO wish that I had the magic touch!!! 🙂 But I’m slowly learning what does work to make Brady feel better. So I’m working on it. 😉
      Thank you SO much, Janelle!!!!

  4. I can totally relate to this! It was so hard when I couldn’t calm him (Elliot had terrible gas until about 12 weeks or so, still does but it got better!!)- I definitely thought I’d “just know” all the things to do to help my baby. What I learned is that it takes time figuring out your little one and sometimes you DO learn a “magical touch maneuver” -and then sometimes you also learn all you can do is just be there for them as you said. You are doing an amazing job. That first month was filled with all sorts of things- some easy and enjoyable some hard and REALLY emotionally taxing (for me anyways). Sending tons of new mom love to you! ((hugs))

    • Yes, that’s so true! I am learning what helps to make Brady feel better. It’s all about learning how to read your baby and trying out different things (as each baby is so different). And then there are the days that you just have to be with him (which is tough, because – as moms – we want to have a solution for the troubles)!
      And YES, there are some really emotional days in the beginning, for sure! I’ve definitely learned that sometimes it’s very healthy to cry! 😉
      It’s all worth it though! 🙂

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