Most people are telling me that my belly is still pretty tiny, considering the fact that I’ll be having a baby in two months. I take encouragement in that, hoping that the munchkin will be on the small side. 😉 But then there’s also the chance that I’m just a late bloomer, and my body is preparing to expand faster than you can say, “She’s going to blow!”
Of course, not everyone tells me that I’m still looking small…
If you’ve read my blog for any small amount of time, then you know just how amazing my hubby Nate is. Seriously, I hit the jackpot with him! Although he’s not perfect and undoubtedly male (which comes with its own set of quirks), he’s absolutely perfect for me. And he’s one of the kindest, sweetest, most considerate bacon-and-donut-loving guys I’ve ever met.
That being said, he’s also the most literal, scientific-oriented person I’ve ever met (which maybe just comes with being male, I don’t know). I remember back in the day, a girlfriend would talk about how uncomfortable her monthly cramps were, and Nate – overhearing – would start to explain to her just why her body was feeling the way it was. The girlfriend would stare at him with dumbfounded eyes, refusing to believe that this guy was talking to her about her Menstruation cycle (since guys are supposed to be freaked out about that sort of thing).
But, yeah, not Nate. Nate wanted to go into biology at one point in his life, and he thinks that anything to do with science or the human body is fascinating.
So when he smiles at me proudly and tells me that my belly looks huge, he actually really means, “Wow, you’re growing a baby, and that’s just so amazing. I’m so excited that your belly is so cute and round right now.”
But what I hear is, “Wow, your belly is huge.” And if looks could kill, he’d at least walk away with a black eye. (I mean, I love him and all. But a pregnant woman can’t always be responsible for her hormonal-influenced actions. And pretty much everyone else knows that you should never include the words ‘you’ and ‘huge’ together in a sentence when talking to a woman who is pregnant).
So I just glare at him and shove another apple-cider donut into my mouth, because that’s honestly the cure for anything and everything these days. (Gosh, they’re so good)!
Oh, and then there was the older woman who is an acquaintance of mine, although I don’t know her well…
“Look whose belly has popped!” she gushed, focusing in on my belly. Her hands reached out as though my stomach was a giant magnet, and she was made of steel. She rubbed her hands in a circular motion around my stomach for a moment; and before I had the chance to respond, she stuck out her pointer finger. She pressed it into the lower-portion of my belly until it gently slid right into my belly-button.
“Oh, look, you still have an inny!” she gushed, her face lighting up into a smile.
I just stood there in complete shock, trying to process; as I faced this woman who I hardly knew. We just stood there a moment, connected by her finger sticking into my belly-button (which – for the record – is getting more and more shallow by the day. But, yes, it’s still an inny). I had absolutely no idea how to address this particular awkward moment, so I kind of just giggled nervously until the woman pulled back her finger and changed the topic of conversation to something else, like the weather.
Awkward moment! Where are the cider donuts??
Oh, and then there was the complete stranger at the shoe-store…
I was minding my own business, trying to find a comfortable pair of shoes to wear with a maternity dress I had purchased, when a female shopper (about my mom’s age) asked me when I was due. I told her… She smiled a moment…
Then her face glazed over into something fierce as she hissed to me, “Labor is going to hurt!”
I was taken aback, but I just smiled nervously in reply and said, “Oh, I’m sure!”
“Oh, you’re not sure,” she responded, shaking her head viciously. “Trust me. You’re not sure. It is the most severe pain that you can imagine! I’m talking SEVERE”
My smile is starting to be replaced with something else. More like a deer in headlights look. “Yeahhhh, I’m trying to prepare myself.”
“Oh, nothing can prepare you! Nothing! I had my child 21 years ago, and I remember that pain as though it were yesterday. I never had another kid. It was just SO bad!!!”
I swallowed nervously, said something awkward like ‘thank you’, grabbed the shoes (which I bought in a rush and had to return two days later), and then hurried to the cash register.
Get me out of here, and fast!!!
Yes, I’m pregnant and I know it! Most days, that’s a good thing!! But sometimes, it comes with its own set of awkwardness and a little bit of frustration. Sometimes, it feels like there must be a hidden camera, and I’m living on the set of a reality TV show. But most times, I’m just left laughing to myself and with a really good story to tell. 🙂
So… it’s all good (until the day comes when I can’t hold my preggo self back, and I go all crazy on someone). Nate, being his usual literal self, says he hopes he’s there to witness it, because he thinks it’d be kind of funny to see his usually calm wife go preggo-crazy. I told him that if he keeps calling my belly huge, well, he has nothing to worry about. He’ll see that side of me first-hand. 😉 Ha, ha!!
Have you had an awkard moment lately?