You all know that I’m always honest with you. Sooooo, here’s the honest-to-goodness truth… I really need (as in really, really need) to get back on track when it comes to eating healthy and working out!
Eating healthy and keeping up with an exercise routine used to be second nature to me. But I’ve definitely been slacking… big time.
When Nate was assaulted almost two years ago (Moving Forward), my entire world was thrown upside down, shaken a few times, and then plopped back into place with no specific order. The safe bubble I had lived in for so many years had been shattered. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t thinking about the future or even making plans for tomorrow. It was all about surviving today.
That first week in the ICU, when Nate was so desperately fighting for his very life, I stopped eating completely. In a matter of five days, I lost over 7 pounds. Visitor after visitor encouraged me to eat so that I could keep up my strength. But I didn’t have any appetite. And when I did force myself to eat, I usually ended up losing the food, because my stomach was so upset that I couldn’t keep food down.
When Nate was finally well enough to come home, the nightmare hardly ended, but it was as though a huge cloud had been lifted. Nate’s improvement was so unrealistically quick that many doctors were calling it nothing short of a miracle. Every day, he could walk a tiny bit further and was able to eat a little bit more food. Just being in our own home and being able to sleep with him in our own bed every night filled me with a relief beyond words.
I knew, little by little, that everything was going to be okay. So even if maybe things were going to be different (A New Normal), we were going to be able to face that different life together. I knew that life was going to be beautiful and amazing.
The relief of being home didn’t resolve everything, as Nate still had a ton of recovery to face. And I had a lot of emotional trauma to deal with.
So I went from not eating at all, to turning to food as a form of comfort.
Stress eating had never been an issue for me, but apparently it’s a lot harder to stop than it is to start. 😉 I can honestly say that it has been a part of my life since the day of Nate’s assault, although I don’t do it half as bad anymore. As I’ve recovered from the emotional trauma, the eating for comfort has reduced dramatically.
But I do know that the eating due to stress did open a not-so-healthy door, as I became very lax when it came to eating right. You all know that I believe in moderation; and so any food I love can be eaten, as long as I’m balancing it with healthy food the majority of time. The biggest problem right now, however, is that I’ve kind of reversed it and broccoli is the splurge food. 😉 As in, food that should be a splurge is eaten a little too frequently, and I really need to get back on the veggie bandwagon.
The thing about stress eating is that it’s mindless. You don’t realize that you’re eating a chocolate chip cookie until it’s gone…along with two of its buddies. Had you eaten one intentionally, realizing that you really did want a cookie and so took the time to enjoy it, you would have been much more satisfied. SO I definitely want to jump on the intuitive eating bandwagon!
AND… I also lost my workout routine.
Honestly, that was okay for a time, because I knew that there was a lot going on. But now that I can honestly say that I really have healed emotionally, I feel as though it’s time to take back my health. To really focus on feeling healthy again by eating right and working out.
This is something that I want to do for ME. This is something that I want to do as a final step into recovering from all that happened. I’m hardly talking about becoming a professional athlete or about giving up icecream. (Hello! I could NEVER give up icecream)! 😉 I’m also not going to suddenly start dieting or stepping on the scale! This is not about losing weight.
I just know that I don’t feel as strong and confident as I used to, because I haven’t been exercising my body or fueling it with the fruits, veggies, and healthy grains that it really wants. I still believe in splurging, but I definitely need to incorporate healthier food into my life.
SO I’m ready to take that next step into eating right and working out. I’ll be sharing my progress in these upcoming weeks! And I hope that you’ll share some of your goals and progress with me. 🙂