It’s probably due to my having reached another decade… But I’ve noticed that for this birthday, more than any other, people have asked me, “So now what? What’s the plan for the future? What’s your goal for these next ten years?”
And even when it was asked the very first time, I had an immediate answer. I don’t want to sweat the small stuff anymore. I want to just live life in the moment.
Worrying too much has always been my kryptonite. Mainly because I like to feel in-control of a situation. I know that as long as I’m holding the reigns, I’ll exert every ounce of energy within me to make sure that the outcome is favorable. I am a hard worker after all, and no one could accuse me of lacking determination. Of course, life isn’t like that. More often than not, the reigns are flapping in the wind, as the runaway steeds are seemingly running towards a cliff… while I’m left hanging onto the carriage for dear life.
Life is full of the unknown; and while more often than not the closing credits read “And they lived happily ever after,” there’s always that hint of impending doom. What if…. What if… What if….
But this past year was different for me. Turning 29 led me into the most difficult year of my life, as my husband was almost killed in the line of duty and I had to help nurse him back to health. The frequent doctor visits, the uncertainty of his recovery, the worry about finances. They were all shoved in my face, until I couldn’t handle them anymore. So I shoved them towards God and screamed, “Help!”
And He did.
I even got to the point, where I started to talk crazy… Like during the time I was still out of work and I told my husband, “It’s just a house, and if we can’t afford it, then we sell it. All that matters is that we’re together!” Although we obviously were able to keep the house, I had never really thought along those lines before. But when your world is shaken, you start to really hold onto the things that matter. And everything else is just stuff.
And I noticed, as passing days turned into months, that I really was replacing those constant moments of worry with prayer time. And laughter. And smiles.
Life is TOO short to sweat the things that we can’t control. And while I have absolutely no idea what will happen tomorrow, I can assure you that I’m learning to embrace today and all that it has to offer. All I can do is my best, whether it be at my job or at home as a wife, and then I have to trust that God is going to continue to watch over us, as He has all along.
I wanted to share these two pics with you that my sister had taken in Boston. In the Boston Garden, there are beautiful — and whimsical — purple flowers that look as though they’ve come straight from the world of Dr. Sues. In the distance, there are towering skyscrapers, giant trees, honking cars, noisy trolleys, tall lampposts, and busy people hurrying from one end of the city to the other.
But then my sister bent down and captured this picture. Suddenly, it was just the purple flowers, the sky… and a busy little bee flying to his source of food. There is chaos surrounding this little bee, but he’s just going about his daily business, as he would any other day. He’s oblivious to everything else. He’s not worried about the pollution in the air, the temperature of the weather, or even the giant camera that’s snapping pics of him as he flies by.
He’s so tiny compared to everything else, but he’s a Warrier just the same. He fights to bring home food to the colony, and that’s all he’s concerned about. He doesn’t waste his time focusing on all of the distractions around him that would cause him to lose focus.
And, well, I guess that’s what I want for my life. I want to be a Warrier… not a worrier. I want to make each day count and to stop wasting time on things I can’t control. I want to make a difference. To see each day as beautiful. To make a difference in the lives of others and to not focus on the things that might happen.
It may have taken almost 30 years to get there, but I finally feel as though I really am becoming that confident warrier. 🙂