Moving forward

Hi Everyone!

So I apologize for disappearing without really saying anything.  🙂  I’m still here, I promise.

Emotions are a funny thing, apparently.  Well, not exactly funny.  Maybe a more accurate description would be to say that they’re sneaky little things.

Some of you know more than others, since I haven’t blogged about it all that much, but most of you know that my hubby Nate was severely injured last June.  In previous blogs, I merely stated that he had been in an accident, because of the attention that the assault caused.  But I think I can now at least say, since the drama and attention has all died down, that he works in public safety and was stabbed in the line of duty.  He almost died because the weapon went through his neck and missed his spinal chord by 1/2 centimeter.  It’s a miracle that he’s walking, breathing, eating, and speaking today; because the original diagnosis was that he wouldn’t be able to do any of those things, if he survived surgery.

Well, I’ve been having flash-backs of everything that happened.  I’ll be randomly doing something, and then suddenly I can feel all of that fear and hurt all over again.  Mostly, I see Nate’s face and feel how helpless I was in that moment.  Sometimes, I even have dreams about it and then wake up in tears.

I tried ignoring all those emotions for over a week, which — in the end — turned out to be the wrong choice.  Because the end result was me being sent home from work after having a tearful melt-down in front of my manager.  *Sheepish Grin*

Anyway, I’ve learned a lot about myself over the past few days, and I’ve also learned that sometimes the emotions that come with trauma don’t hit until much later.  I’ve also learned that it’s important to deal with it and not try to push it under a rug.

So all that to say, I am feeling MUCH better and MUCH more like my happy, bubbly, strong, and energetic self.  So I should be back to blogging on Monday.

Thank you for all of your support!  You guys rock!

Happy Friday!!  🙂

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33 thoughts on “Moving forward”

  1. NICOLE! You didn’t blog much a few weeks ago and I commented saying I was wondering if I should email you to see if things are okay. This week I wondered the same but didn’t email and I should have. Gah!

    I am so, so happy that you are feeling better. It’s so brave of you to come out and say how you’re feeling. The book I’m reading (Daring Greatly, about vulnerability) says that’s so important. You are such a rock star. And it doesn’t make you any less awesome to seek help or admit that you are/were struggling with such a traumatic experience… in fact I think that makes you even more awesome.

    Many, many hugs for you and Nate. Love you guys! ❤

  2. You are amazing, girl! I have missed your blogs, but am so glad that you took the time to sort through some of the emotions that have been surfacing. Looking out for you and your family is THE. MOST. IMPORTANT. THING. Take care of you!

  3. I was wondering why you haven’t shown up on my reader lately. I’ve missing your smiling face! I’m glad you are doing better, and I look forward to reading more from you soon! 🙂

  4. Oh, Nicole! I was going to email you today because I was concerned. No apologies are needed. You went through so much, and because you are super-amazing-awesomepants, you kept on persevering in the face of some heavy stuff. Take every bit of time you need to cry or vent or heal or lay in bed and eat chocolate (what??). Just take good care of yourself. We’ll always be here!

  5. Emotions are very weird, and they tend to come creeping up on the surface when you least expect it. I`m so sorry to hear about the circumstances about your husband`s assault!! My BF is a policeofficer, and before that he was a soldier in Afghanistan, so I can relate to the fear you have, but I can only imagine how it must feel when something actually happens!! I`m glad that your feeling better and that you are coping better with these flashbacks! I wish you all the best!!

    1. Wow, yes, I guess you can relate to the fear that comes when your special guy has a dangerous job. I’ll be praying for you BF’s safety, for sure!!

  6. Though I have never dealt with anything as emotionally rough as you and Nate had to go through, I know exactly what you mean. I was in a car accident that caused me so much emotional pain and fear months after it happened. I definitely tried to stuff the emotions under a rug, it didn’t work. At all. I went (and still go to) a counselor and it has helped me sort everything out. Thanks for opening up and being so honest!

    1. Oh, I know, pushing it under a rug really doesn’t work, does it? 🙂 I’m looking into possibly seeing a counselor myself. It’s not an easy thing to do, probably because of pride. But sometimes, you need to face the fact that you really do need to talk it out. Thanks for sharing your experiences and for opening up about how seeing a counselor has worked for you!!

      1. I really, really, really recommend it! Find a psychologist, not a psychiatrist though! Psychiatrists try to give you medicine, whereas psychologists work through your thoughts/behaviors/etc. I’m sure you already knew that, but I just get so excited to share, haha. I totally understand the pride thing though. It’s totally worth it in the end!

      2. We go to a counselor and it’s awesome. We always, always walk out feeling positive and closer. Now I tell everyone how great it is and that there’s no shame in it. I support you!

  7. I’m so sorry this has been such a difficult week. I don’t think the trauma you guys went through last year will just go away. These things take time. I’m glad you are in a better place now, though! I’ve missed your posts lately.

  8. Wow, that sounds terrible. Very thankful for you that your husband is on the road to recovery. Blessings! -Lace

  9. I am happy to see you again and I’m so sorry that you are going through this and reliving the trauma of it all. I wish I could do more to help, or support, but just know that I’m thinking of you and have been keeping you in my thoughts. Pushing down emtotions does mean they catch up to find you, I do that a lot in my life and notice how it will catch up with me, just take time for yourself and take care!

  10. Oh, Nicole, I’m so sorry you and Nate had to go through this. You’re right, that stuffing emotions away doesn’t get rid of them…they somehow will always resurface, even when we don’t realize that they’re doing just that. It was a crazy, insane, traumatic experience for everyone who knew and loved you guys, but it was ESPECIALLY all of those things for you two. You literally lived through a hellish nightmare. Take some time to talk it out with someone, go for a walk, journal, etc. You’re a writer, and writing is one way in which you have always worked things out. Love you lots and lots and lots and know that I’m always here for the both of you!!!!!

  11. Stuffing emotions doesn’t work – I still do that and it ends up the same way – in a meltdown!

    I’m glad to hear that you are doing a bit better, and pray that God gives you peace and healing.

    Glad to hear you will be posting more again. 🙂

  12. I’m glad to hear you are feeling much better now. I was beginning to worry about your absence from the blog world. Sending you lots of good vibes and karma from half way across the world.
    Cheers and take care of yourself!
    Hugs!

  13. You guys survived a nightmare so I’m not surprised that you’re still emotional about it. Traumatic experiences can creep up on you when you least expect it. I hope you’re finding ways to cope with your emotions, through prayer or writing or song or whatever it is that can give you a sense of calmness and emotional balance in your moments of stress.

    I’m sending lots of love your way 🙂

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