I’m going surfing

Thank you all so much — again — for the support and the encouraging comments.  My cousin passed away Friday night just after midnight, so she’s at peace now and in a beautiful place where cancer won’t touch her ever again.  Honestly, even though I knew it was coming and thought I was emotionally prepared, the news of her passing still hit me hard.

I don’t believe in bad luck.  In fact, I don’t believe in luck at all.  I do believe that we live in an imperfect world and that bad things happen to good people sometimes.

But a lot has been going on as of late, stemming from Nate’s accident and then my cousin’s last fight with this horrible disease.  So I can honestly say that looking on the bright side, which so often comes easily for me, felt a little farther out of reach.  I told Nate that I needed a new day-planner, because mine is cursed with scribblings of doctor’s appointments and funerals.  I told him that turning 29 hadn’t been so great so far, and I hoped that turning 30 next year would turn out better. I told my sister that maybe I should start a new blog.  This one was filled with too much memories that I wanted to forget.

Thankfully, my support system is kind but also honest.  Both Nate and my sister pretty much told me to pull back on the reigns a little bit.  Sure, life has been hard — really hard — these past couple of months, but then again, who said that life wouldn’t get hard sometimes?  That’s life.  And while you can focus on all the bad that has happened and find yourself falling into a sad funk, you can also feel the emotions as they come… and then release them, take a deep breath, and move forward.

In my case, I feel the emotions as they come and then hand them over — kicking and screaming — to God who takes over from there.  I’m not so good at letting go.  But I’ve also found that it’s a lot healthier to realize you can’t control the situation… and to sit pondering over every little bad thing will only leave you exhausted.

(In other words, turning 29 years old wasn’t doomed… my day-planner isn’t cursed… and my blog will soon see happier, brighter posts).

I love what Samantha from Samanthamenzies wrote in my comments section, and I hope she doesn’t mind if I share:  “In my life ‘the bad’ always comes in waves and just when it gets to the point where you think things couldn’t get any worse, they don’t. Because ‘the good’ comes in waves too.   Your ‘good’ is coming. Hang in there.”

There’s a lot of wisdom in that.  The good and the bad do seem to come in waves, and it’s really what you do with each wave that defines who you are.  It especially matters what you do during the bad waves, I think.  You can sit in a corner and scream “why me?!?”  Or you can handle the situation with grace and realize that the good will be back.  Life isn’t out to get you.  Bad things just happen sometimes.

Yes, there have been a few bad waves as of late.  And some days, I do feel emotionally exhausted and wonder if I could handle anything else.  But I also realize that good days are right around the corner. In fact, I bet that today will be a good day even.  I can feel it!

So I’m going to keep my chin up, keep the faith, and refuse to lose my smile.  And trust me, when that good wave comes a’rolling in, I’m going to hang ten and have a blast surfing it!  🙂

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4 thoughts on “I’m going surfing

  1. I’m so sorry about your cousin’s passing and everything just seems to be coming at you and I can only imagine how overwhelming it all is. I wish I could be more there for you than just a blogger friend but my heart goes out to you and you have been in my thoughts too. You are strong and I know you can get through anything, it just doesn’t make it any less difficult though.

  2. Plus I bet you are much more beautiful with a smile on your face than a yucky angry snarl! Can’t beat that.

    I totally get what you were saying about feeling the need for a cleanse. I get bad vibes from things too and want to just find a way to either remove myself from them or turn the bad vibes into good vibes. Life has taught me a lot about this (and control!) over the last two years and now I know that when I’m feeling bad vibes, or feel the need for a cleanse or an escape, it means I’ve forgotten to look at the big picture.

    I’m thankful you have Nate, your sister, and everyone else to help you “zoom out” and see the big picture when it helps.

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